I was a teenage punk. It was flipping brilliant. Now I’m 25 going on 60, working a comfortable 9 to 5 existence, and I wonder what I’m missing now that I had in my teens.
That’s not to say I’m unhappy; more that I feel I’m missing a vital piece of my identity. I feel like a faceless member of a corporation – and a temporary one at that. I feel my existence is transient. What impact am I having on the world I live in and care about? I love doing the blog and Twitter; I am exercising my voice in pursuit of my passions. I just can’t shake the feeling I am wasting my days on something I really actually don’t care about. I’m still a punk at heart.
Social inequality and stigma in particular truly grate on me; even within this office environment there’s a hierarchy (and yes, I’m at the bottom of the heap!). I’ve been in charge of teams before and I like to think and hope that I was approachable, that no one viewed me as being superior to them. I can sum it up in two words: Tea Rounds.
I haven’t made a tea round in years now. There’s no need in a big company – everyone just goes and grabs a hot drink when they want one. I miss the social aspect of doing a round of teas and coffees for my colleagues. There’s something so personal about it; learning how people like their drink, and stopping for a 30 second chat as you deliver the good stuff. It means you get to know people a little better. I’ve been temping in this job for four months now and I’m still not sure who’s who beyond an email address.
I want to feel fulfilled again, in the way listening to punk music fulfilled me. It felt like I had an identity or a face to present to the world. I want to be infused with passion for my work. I want to be a metaphorical po-go-er – jumping up and down until someone notices and asks why I’m doing it. I want to “Oi!” in people’s faces for causes that truly matter to me. I want to be a corporate punk!