We’ve come to call these little trip-ups ‘blips’. It’s our euphemism for ‘maybe it’s a little rough at the moment’.
Blip: an unexpected, minor, and typically temporary deviation from a general trend.
Yes, that’s the right word then.
This blip is coming up on two weeks old. In the grand scheme of my three years since initial melt-down, two weeks is nothing. Compared to the long months it took to get stable initially it’s no big deal. Right?
The problem with a blip is that it feels a lot like failure. During it, it very much feels like the health I’ve fought so hard to gain is gone for good. In the moment, when dysphoric and anxious, the term blip offers no solace.
My CPN has suggested that I panic when faced with a blip. Another euphemism here – we call it ‘having a wobble’. The issue lays in the way my mind catastrophizes a very simple thing. So your mood is elevated? You’re definitely going to end up back in crisis care!
There’s no real reason for me to believe that this minor episode won’t pass innocently by and I should probably have faith that I’ll normalise in a week or so. It doesn’t stop the worry, the anxiety, of being unwell again. It’s one of those things that always stays with you after the experience has ended. Mania = psychosis = crisis.
I’m not even sure this blip is bad enough to warrant calling the team. With my CPN on holiday this week, I don’t want to waste the psychiatrists time over what is potentially nothing. On the other hand, maybe the sertraline is kicking my mood up a notch. We’ve long been aware that 100mg is my therapeutic dose; but it also has a tendency to send me high.
The balancing act of staying well is tough. I’ve been getting better at it but it’s taken a lot of trial and error along the way. For now, I will continue to track my mood, watch for the red flags and hope this passes without incident. Fingers crossed.