Let’s kick this off with a little promotion. I have been busily setting up a cafepress store with a few pin badges and other bits; it’s in no way ready, but I’ve put it up anyway to start raising some cash for UK mental health charity mind.org.uk. All royalties I receive from sale of the products will be passed onto the charity. The link is here.
I’m home again today by virtue of not-quite trusting my mood to stay stable; although it was much better yesterday. I’m awaiting a call from my CPN, but I know the team have a Monday morning meeting so I’ll hold off pestering her till the afternoon. I’m not even sure what I’ll be telling her, as is always the case. I know she’ll want to talk about Friday but not sure if I’m up for actually talking out-loud about it.
In terms of mood, I’m doing better – I think. I’ve talked a bit about insight on this blog, but as always when I hit a crisis point (i.e. manic as fuck), insight goes right out the window. I wish I knew how to manage things better, instead of going straight to the worst possible coping strategies. It’s something I’m working on constantly; at the moment it seems the best early warning system is keeping in touch with friends who can spot the initial changes in behaviour.
Staying home is the lesser of two evils, but it’s not the ideal solution. At least when I’m at work I have company; nonetheless, sitting at my desk running fast is a peculiar torture for the mind. At least at home I can’t rant at anyone, and I can’t cock up any business procedures. I always feel like I’m letting my boss and colleagues down when I need to take a time-out, but the anxiety of letting them down is lesser than the anxiety of trying to control hypomania or mania at work.
In terms of the near future (I am operating on an hourly basis right now), I think I shall plan to maybe do some baking and wash the dishes. After that it’s anyone’s guess, but here’s hoping it’s a good day.