It has been a while since I’ve posted anything here but today I just need to vent it out. The last two weeks have been amazing; my psychiatrist finally got the OK from the risk panel to try me on sodium valproate and it has been so good. I’ve been able to cope with the day-to-day stuff without going high/low/mixed. At the same time we reduced the sertraline to 50mg from 100mg. Seemed to be working great!
And then it all stopped being great. At some point along the line the admin went wrong. The letter from my psychiatrist never made it to my GP, and so when I went to collect the repeat prescription there was no valproate. The pharmacy couldn’t even do a draw-down for me as I’d not had the valproate from them before. I’m getting really fed up of admin errors causing me to have meds-issues. Every time I go to collect there’s something wrong.
I’ve not had the valproate for three days and I’m feeling the old familiar wobble. I’m getting ratty, irritable; mood is swinging, high/low/high/mixed (currently sitting on mixed). And mixed sucks – can’t believe I’d forgotten how much this sucks. It’s only been two weeks and I was so much enjoying life with less battles. It felt like I’d finally been able to get off the ride after three years of continuous loop-the-loops.
The GP receptionist seems to think I’ll be able to collect the prescription tonight. That’s something I can hold onto. But – BUT – why the fuck do I need them? I know better than to ascribe a mental illness as a personal failing, but seriously; I feel like a failure. These things serve as a reminder of what lurks below the surface and I hate it. I really, really hate it.
The shop is now live!