The whole situation with Colleague X is really getting me down, no matter how hard I try to tell myself it really shouldn’t matter to me anymore. It’s been over a month since I moved to the new team here and I love my new role. It’s all pretty rosy; except the Colleague X problem.
It would be OK if I knew what I’d done to deserve such low levels of respect or tolerance from her. I knew when I left the team they’d not be happy to let me go; getting the go-ahead to switch roles on the right date was just hassle. But it’s like I have made a personal attack on her by leaving, maybe? I really don’t know or understand. She outright ignores me, except to say thanks for holding a door open (this happened earlier today. I was amazed to even get a thanks.)
I suppose it is my eagerness to be liked and well-regarded in the office that is causing this to affect me so much. But honestly, to be ostracised so completely from even polite ‘Good Morning’s and ‘How’s things?’ feels absolutely awful. It’s not like I’ve not made the effort with her. When we went out for team drinks a couple of months ago – as I blogged about – we spent the whole evening talking on really deep subject and got along pretty well. I understand her issues thanks to that conversation and she knows a fair bit about me.
Maybe it’s because I know a bit more than she’s comfortable with? Maybe she sees me as a traitor for leaving the team for the new job? Maybe, maybe, maybe. I suppose I’ll probably never know. But it sucks and makes me feel like shit. All I can really do is pretend it doesn’t bother me and hope I get used to it. There’s no point obsessing about it, I can’t change it. But of course, my mind is my worst enemy. And such is life; the more I’m trying to accept things and move on, the more I think on it and the more I get bogged down in it. There doesn’t seem to be any reasonable resolution, so I’m not sure exactly what to do.