Gosh I’m writing a lot lately, and it is pretty much all just my own brand of self-therapy. If you’re sticking with the blog throughout all this rambling then I sincerely thank you.
I got transitioned to CMHT two weeks ago and had my first meeting with new psychiatrist today (also a Dr P. Can’t replace MY Dr P from the old team!), and it was hard fucking work. There was a waiting room and everything – it all felt so formal and predetermined. As if one new person to deal with wasn’t enough he also had a psych student observing, plus my care co-ordinator sat in too.
We went through pretty much everything in about 45 minutes. Hard to condense around 13 years of history into that little time, but we tried! He wanted to know about the earliest indications of illness, what kind of things put me more at risk, and the things that have helped in the past when things have been tough. Open-ended questions galore. I do much better with structured talking than having to give free-form answers; when I’m left to talk I feel like I miss the point I was trying to make and that my responses aren’t communicating what I wanted them to.
Going forward, New Dr P is planning to speak to the personality disorders service to get me assess for psychological intervention. It’ll involve having an assessment and then being referred to either DBT or psychotherapy, and this can only be a good thing. I took away a sense that he was interested in helping me build skills to cope instead of reacting to every blip with a medication tweak – this makes me happy. From what he was saying, the smaller mood-swings are less due to the bipolar element and more down to poor coping skills; rejection and stress and confidence and so on affecting me.
Luke is coming with me to my appointment with my CC next Tuesday – I want them to meet because Luke is normally the first to notice things going awry so it’ll be an additional layer of safety net for them to meet and talk. It also means I’ll have my greatest advocate with me which will hopefully give me some extra confidence whilst I’m still getting used to a new person. And in the long-term, this should all work out for the best. Right?