It’s my second week of rest and recoup and Friday is almost here. I am happy to report I’ve been so much calmer and feeling a lot more stable; I’ve even been going into town most days instead of stewing at home. It’s been relaxing for the most part; there have been wobbles but nothing major.
But, I am nervous about going back to work. In these three weeks of being away, nothing has changed. I’ve not learned any new coping skills, there’s been no change of medications (although generally there’s not any medication that works for borderline personality disorder). I just don’t know if a simple rest will have done the job of resetting my mind to a point at which I can cope with work and living life.
Of course, my mind has been wandering onto the thoughts that haunt me every now and then – “What if I can’t do this?” – and that’s a dangerous road to think down. But I just have to give it my best shot and see how things work out.