You’d think that the first day in a new job would be the hardest… somehow today is feeling harder. I am rather anxious, pre-work; I’m not sure why it’s worse today vice yesterday. I mean, I know the people are all really nice, I think it’s a decent job that I know I can do… so why this level of anxiety over day two?
In part, perhaps it’s a level of sensitivity to being around people again. After all, I’ve only really spoken to Luke and family in the last four months. So that old thicker skin has softened and I find myself over analysing every tiny thing I do. That’s pretty common with social anxiety I believe… that acute awareness of when you do something “wrong”; even if it’s not really that wrong by normal standards. You make a little joking comment and it falls short: “ah crap now they hate me and I look like an idiot!”
I want to work, I really do. I just need to learn some patience with myself to allow myself time to get back into the swing of things.