Goodness, it’s been a fair bit of time since my last post! If anyone actually still bothers to come by, I suppose an update is overdue… #inwhichIrantaboutNHSservicesbutgenerallythingsaregoingwell
It has been a fair while since I saw anyone from CMHRS. Things got a little confusing; I finally got my psychotherapy referral through, but then got put into an emotional coping skills group pending my referral into PD STEPPS group. Eh, group is not a setting I find therapeutic! I went to the first emotional coping skills session and never said a word. It wasn’t like an ‘air your issues’ forum, more ‘let’s go through skills together’ workshop. The thing is, I know the skills. I do! I’m rubbish at practicing them, and I find very few work for me. I also felt totally railroaded by the bigger personalities in there. But – being who I am – I kind of chickened out of calling the psychology worker and letting her know. I did try to call to tell her I wouldn’t be attending STEPPS group though; I’d have loved to give it a try but with starting the new job I could hardly be away from the office for a whole morning every week.
Anyway, that’s the story with therapy. For now, it looks like I’m going to have to go back to paying for one-on-one sessions privately; kind of defeats the point of the NHS services. The other problem I’ve had with CMHRS lately is their working hours. In this job I work 9 to 5:30, with the odd week of late shifts here and there. Of course, CMHRS close at 5pm. Meaning getting in touch with my care coordinator is really quite tricky; especially when I’m not supposed to text or email him. I broke the no emailing rule to at least schedule an appointment. But, when I have a day like the other day, where I was spinning with anxiety and dissociating at work, I really could’ve used a friendly helper on the other end of a text message. I really miss K and Doc P from EIiP, I knew I could rely on them to be understanding and helpful if I needed them.
Hubs and I have been discussing asking to switch care coordinator actually; as hubs puts it, P could use his time better on another service user. I don’t feel able to approach P with issues, and – being honest here – I need a gentler style. I think I need someone who can empathise with what I’m saying; someone I feel able to call up and ask for help with whatever issue. This last year, I’ve hardly made contact; though I have wanted to on a few occasions.
TL;DR: There’s a lot of work still to do, but I think things are on the right track.