I’m sitting here watching The Last Leg on catch up and it’s just hit home to me just how painful it is to live in this awful world sometimes. Somehow the news of Orlando and then Jo Cox felt removed until I saw grown men who make a living off their brand of funny getting so emotional about it without a hint of humour.
The husband and I are talking about bringing a child into the world next year, and we’re taking steps towards becoming ready for that. One of the big things to do is get me off meds and stable without them, and that’s a big, scary ask. With the whole world seemingly falling apart around us, I wonder what will happen in the world my child will have to inhabit. Even here in Woking, last night, I walked to the store and saw a heavy police presence. Today I found out they were out to catch a guy with a weapon, which thankfully turned out unloaded.
I’m trying not to get in a tizzy about things, but the more that happens, the more freaked out I get. I am anxious, I am afraid, and I don’t know how much of my fear is actually rational. Tonight I obsess about keeping the husband safe. Four years ago I was worrying about the same thing out of paranoia. It’s only four years later, and it’s now a fairly tangible threat.
The world sucks and I’m not dealing with it particularly well. What do we do next?